I think that this is a common question everyone has at least asked once, no matter how old they are.

Good question - what is happiness? In our society, happiness is defined as something solid, tangible, or as a status or achievement. See, this is all based on targeted insecurities where we are projected to achieve “more” because what we have is less inside. Once we find ourselves following through the rat race or covering insecurities, that’s when prolonged pain happens - when suffering happens. Interestingly, many people thinnk that by doing yoga or meditation, one can feel happy, which isn’t true most of the time.

Firstly, happiness is based on our ability to be in the present moment without regarding the past or future possibilities, this is called a mindfulness practice. Mindfulness is divided into several ranges, for instance,

Mindfulness of the body—This refers to mindfulness of our bodies, physical activities, and our sensory experiences of hearing, tasting, touching, seeing, and smelling. In some practices, we learn to become mindful of the body in action - in walking, eating, or breathing.

Mindfulness of feelings—This refers to the practice of being mindful of the feelings that arise in response to the sensory activities of hearing, tasting, and so on. In this mindfulness practice, we become aware of how we can be addicted to pleasant feelings and constantly try to avoid negative feelings. This can drive our thoughts and actions.

Mindfulness of the mind—this refers to the thoughts, images, and mental associations that arise in response to feelings, in particular the thoughts of “me” and “mine.” In this practice, we become aware of thoughts and mental activity. In Western psychology this is called Metacognition and sometimes Mentalizing, and it is the ability to be aware that “I am having the thought that… .”

Mindfulness of the spiritual practices -- which refers to mindfulness of the very nature of things, or the underlying processes and relationship between things. In this way, mindfulness helps us to peer deeper into the nature of the life process itself. When one can familiarize oneself with all these four types of mindfulness, they’ve taken step one towards happiness.

Step two is about recognising our values - what do we want in our lives? What is so important about achieving happiness? What matters when I am happy? Ask these questions, jot them down and reflect. With strong values, happiness is certain to be achieved because whenever our actions are aligned with our values, we feel fulfilled and less likely to regret. Different people have different values and there are no right or wrong values either.

Step three involves the practice of gratitude - what do I appreciate about today? What did I learn today? What is the one thing I accomplished today? What are the things that make me feel delighted today? It’s called the GLAD technique, by being grateful (it’s normal not to feel this all the time), happiness seems more natural and it teaches us the nature of impermanent ups and downs, aging, sickness, loss and life challenges.

Finally, step four is all about practicing self-compassion while extending compassion to others. It involves mindfulness, common humanity and self-kindness. Common humanity is all about recognising the equality of humans regardless of religions and races. Self-kindness means to treat oneself as his/her own best friend - no judgments, labels, or critics, just pure empathy and support. We can engage in our hobbies or self-care activities too, as a form of love to ourselves. Happiness and love are interconnected - without realizing how happy we are, we won’t know how to love either because we cannot pour from an empty cup.

Now that we know happiness is not about achieving resources, it’s rather about our inner selves, let’s do it step-by-step and prioritize mental health as a way to happiness. Feel free to book a session now!