“By trying to hide your negative thoughts, you only make your cow bigger. Why did you ever think that you could get rid of something that is a part of you?”I was scrolling over some videos in YouTube and I stumbled on an episode of American Dad. I have always been a fan of this comedic cartoon because well, it’s funny. But never would I have thought that in this scene of the episode, Roger (the grey alien) in the guise of a therapist explained some important skills found in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

In Season 18 Episode 7 of American Dad, Hayley (the girl with a bandana) experienced constant criticism from her inner voice. So much so that she sought the help of Roger to put that critical voice away. Despite the voice leaving Hayley’s head, it then became an imaginary critical cow that only she can see. When things got out of hands with her cow, Roger came to the rescue.

“By trying to hide your negative thoughts, you only make your cow bigger. Why did you ever think that you could get rid of something that is a part of you?”

It is very human nature to want to avoid unfavorable things, be it experiences, emotions or thoughts. And what most people tend to do is to just avoid and suppress those thoughts as much as possible because most of us just do not want to face them. However, have you ever noticed that the more you tell yourself not to think about something, the more you find yourself thinking about it?

Now if I tell you to imagine a big, hot pizza in front of you and then stop thinking about it, are you able to not think about the pizza now? This is called the Pink Elephant Paradox. Same goes for our thoughts, by actively suppressing our thoughts, we are only reminding ourselves more of it.

“Hayley, your cow is only trying to protect you.”
Just like what Roger said, we can’t get rid of our thoughts, but we can be mindful of them. One way of doing so is to be curious about our thoughts, understand why we think that way and what role do they play. This really reminded me of Inside Out 2, where it was revealed that Anxiety was only there to protect Riley. We need to understand that all our emotions and thoughts play an important role in our lives but how we manage them are equally as important.

I found that by asking myself “Why am I feeling/thinking like this?” during times when I felt overwhelmed really helped because it allows me to consider if whatever that I was thinking/feeling was proportionate to whatever that was happening (e.g. Was I too upset over a small matter?).

“Instead of hiding, ignoring or fighting with your cow, you need to accept it. You can’t make those negative thoughts go away but you can learn to acknowledge them and let them pass. Love your cow but don’t let it control you”.

To be mindful of our thoughts means that we are aware of what we are thinking. It may sound easy but many of us don’t really do that when we are emotional. Mindfulness to some may sound boring or even difficult, especially when we are always occupied with our tasks and commitments. It doesn’t take much to be mindful, all we need to do is to just pause for few seconds and label our thoughts. You can simply give the thought a name (e.g. Here comes Anxiety/Lola/Lingling) or just describe what your are thinking to yourself as if you are telling it to a friend you trust. By doing so, we are able to be aware and acknowledge our thoughts, just like what Roger said.

Once we acknowledged our thoughts, we may imagine our thoughts turning into clouds or leaves on a river flowing effortlessly as we watched. This is what Roger meant by letting thoughts pass and this technique is called thought defusion, which allows us to create a distance between us and our thoughts.